Sadly I agree, 3rd gen way too soft for me...
I'm not sure what you mean by 'soft' but my 2014 MDX shawd handles and rides great for an SUV its size. In comparison to the 2nd gen, which I have not owned - only did some test drives in, I was somewhat disappointed in the harsher than expected ride (harsher ride doesn't always equal better handling) and less than expected acceleration on the 2nd gen (I think it was one with a 5 sp trans) - but that was just some test drives - not the same as owning one.
I've read that the 3rd gen is seconds faster than the 2nd gen on the Nurburgring for some objective data on the combo of power and handling.
I think 2nd gen owners looking to buy something else should try to get as objective as they can when evaluating the 3rd gen since they might be inadvertently equating a perhaps harsher ride to better handling when that might not be the end result - but I could be wrong on this.
Don't forget the hybrid, while having more combined HP, also weighs about 230 pounds more. I did some weight/HP calcs and the non-hybrid comes out to 14.6 while the hybrid is at 13.9. The lower the number the better but it's not a terribly significant difference. The hybrid weight will also have some effect on handling - potentially making handling worse despite whatever dampers are in it. The only way to really know how they compare would be to do some fairly side by side comparisons on a decent test drive that pushes them - or see what professional reviews have to say.
My point is - don't just assume that because of some raw numbers and specs, such as higher HP and active dampers, the power and handling will be directly proportional because the factor of the weight is significant as is where the weight is located and torque curves, transmission, computer (directing the trans and hybrid power, etc.), and other factors.
Regardless, I'd be surprised if there was a hugely significant difference between the two but I haven't driven them side by side to give direct input. If there's not a significant difference then the functionality of towing could easily trump whatever benefits might be had for the hybrid for some buyers.
But if you don't like it then you s/b looking at something else if you're in the market for a new vehicle.
I have time to wait 2-3 years since my 11 MDX only has 96,000 miles on her.
I agree - it's still young yet. I finally got rid of my 1998 Durango at 235K miles and actually drove it coast to coast and back when it had 194K miles on it - i.e. it wasn't a junker. The 2011 MDX s/b good to go for a long time. Most people churn their vehicles quicker than needed - they do it because they 'want' something newer - they don't 'need' something newer.