May I suggest a Subaru Forester, particularly a 2003 model (which will go on sale in a month or two)?
The 2003's have been updated and the styling is better. Has a bit more rear legroom, though not as much as a CR-V. However, you mentioned safety as a requirement, and it should be excellent, even better than a CR-V. It's based on the new Impreza, which just had stellar IIHS crash test results (just as the CR-V is based on the Civic, which had crash test results just about as good, though IIHS gives the tiniest edge to the Impreza). The Forester has head-protection airbags for the front occuptants. Not side curtains, but it's one of the few compact SUV's with any kind of head protection (Saturn VUE has side curtains for front and back).
Performance will be okay but nothing dramatically fast. There is a strong rumor that there will be a 2004 Turbo Forester. Foresters are very reliable. You can buy one with a leather interior.
Another suggestion -- Subaru Impreza WRX. Might be too small for you, but the damn thing can fly, and, for its weight class, does great in the IIHS crash test. It is a relative bargain at its price, a real pocket rocket.